Why you can’t teach your partner anything that you want from them…
Okay, this isn’t really true all the time. I’ve myself experienced relationships with men who not only enjoyed learning what I had to share, but it caused them to dive deeper and even surpass my skill level at times. This requires a lovely and healthy openness, which many people lack these days.
We’ve been hurt. We’re defensive. There are times we are like impetuous children that would rather do things the hard way on their own, than being shown an easier path.
Hopefully, we mature out of that.
One of the most beautiful ways, for me, is to stop trying to teach my partner anything. To just say how I feel, maybe point out some resources, and then simply exemplify what behavior/response/perspectives I’m hoping him to pick up.
I don’t want to have to teach my partner how to love me, or how to make me feel safe because, for me, and I may not be alone here, that feels like work. It feels like nagging. It feels like a restating of what is, which attracts more of the same. It activates my triggers of not being worthy or appreciated.
I don’t want to embody a state where my needs aren’t met. But that’s a state that is inevitable in relationship.
So, I’ve got to meet my own needs ruthlessly, and this is how I will keep coming back to embodying “needs met/supported/safe.”
I honor my self that needs to know she is safe, and heard, and loved, by making decisions that show her that.
So, why you can’t teach your partner anything that you want from them? Because, if he/she is able to give it to you, he/she will know or learn it. And, more importantly, because you are the one responsible to give yourself what you want.
How can you honor your self that is safe heard and loved in your decisions today?